More bans on abortion? You’re OK with forcing every woman who conceives to carry the pregnancy to its full, natural term? No exceptions for rape or incest? OK, I’m down with that, with one proviso: Every conception must be identified with the biological father, and that person regardless of relationship/marital status must be held responsible under penalty of law for the full support of the mother and child until the child reaches the age of 18.

That means financial support, health care, housing, education, the works. No exceptions for any of these obligations, either. I wonder if the white guys who conceived (pun intended) of and approved the recent abortion bans would buy that.

Maybe we should also consider requiring that every advertisement for “male enhancement” products must be paired with an ad for women’s reproductive health products and services. And let’s make it federal law that every male enhancement product package must contain the warning “Caution! Use of this product may contribute to an unexpected/unwanted pregnancy resulting in substantial and continuing support of the mother and child. Failure to provide such support is punishable under law.”

Perhaps, as with hate crimes legislation, we might even investigate each biological father for use of male enhancement products. If proven, the penalty is “enhanced” support of the mother and child, say, until the child reaches the age of 25.

You reckon male lawmakers would agree to these provisions? No? Well, not so fast! Like Congress, they wouldn’t have to live by the rules they make for the rest of us so why not? But the upside is that such laws, enforced nationwide might eventually reduce the number of lawmakers who write this crap.

Glenn Puffer