Looking for love: Kazakhstan orphans spend summer with families

By KAYLEY MENDENHALL Chronicle Staff Writer

For six weeks this summer, 17 Kazakhstan orphans lived the American dream.

They swam, ate, laughed and loved. And then they left.

Now the eight Bozeman families who played host to the kids' summer camp experience face a difficult decision -- whether to adopt the orphans.

"They didn't know there was a better life until now," said Dana McHann, a host mother committed to adopting four Kazakhstan siblings. "Now they know."

With that knowledge in hand, some of the younger children told their American "Mamas" and "Papas" they were simply not going back to the orphanage. Older kids said the idea their new parents would ever come for them was almost unbelievable, having seen so many failed or interrupted adoptions in their short lives.

Those statements broke the host parents' hearts, because keeping the kids here now is not an option.

When Jane Phillips talked to 14-year-old Alia about decorating her bedroom in any way she likes when she returns, the girl told her through an interpreter, "I am afraid to believe that."

After six weeks of sometimes violent temper tantrums and often golden moments of understanding, this community of families has been forever changed. Lifelong friendships formed along with a solid resolve to "save" the orphans.

"I'm very pleased the way the children adjusted," said Margarita Nordtvedt, a Bozeman resident who speaks Russian acted as translator. "Everyone has been so kind. I almost feel like I want to cry. I can't believe there are people who are so busy in their everyday lives that are willing to put everything on hold."

But myriad unanswered questions remain after a summer of learning and loving, jealousy and joy.

While one family has yet to make a decision and another decided against adoption, at least 15 of the kids have potential parents working on the piles of paperwork needed to bring them back to Bozeman.

They said their goodbyes last Sunday knowing, for some, it would be months before they would meet again and, for others, that such a reunion would never take place.

A summer of lessons learned

When they stepped off the plane in Bozeman at the beginning of July, having traveled for two days from their central Asia home, the orphans spoke virtually no English.

Wearing matching red T-shirts and waving plastic American flags, the kids, ranging in age from 5 to 16, appeared overwhelmed and disoriented. Some cried openly in fear.

Carrying only the clothing they wore -- community property of the orphanages where most have spent a majority of their lives -- they opened the backpacks of gifts from the families with delight and desire.

The families had no idea what institutionalized behaviors to expect. Some of the kids lost their birth parents to death, while others were taken from unfit living situations.

"The kids have scars all over them from being bitten by rats," Dana McHann said.

When McHann's four host orphans, all underweight and extremely small for their ages, first arrived they would help themselves to food right off the serving platters. And no matter how much fruit she bought, McHann couldn't keep the bowl full.

All four of the McHann's Kazakhstan kids came down with strep throat the first week and two caught a secondary virus a week later.

The youngest, at first, would only defecate outside in the yard.

"If you had come up here that first week, you would have said, 'This lady needs to go to Warm Springs,'" McHann said. "The kids have some pretty horrible behaviors. Grigory would only poop outside. You have to decide how much of that you are going to take on in a six-week period."

Making a decision to adopt, or even to consider adoption, comes at a different time and for a different reason for each family.

Dana and Stan McHann have five children between them, but desperately wanted to adopt a group of orphaned siblings to keep them from being separated.

They heard about the Kidsave International program at church and something clicked.

Kidsave, a Christian-based, non-profit organization, helps communities bring kids from Kazakhstan to America for six weeks as a trial run. The kids are told they are going to summer camp, although the organization's intent is to facilitate adoption.

"We knew sight unseen we were going to adopt them," Dana McHann said. "It didn't matter what challenges they came with. Being pregnant, you take risks. We joked with everyone we were pregnant with four."

When Grigory, 6, started biting their biological daughter, Melissa, 5, for no reason, the McHanns realized behavioral challenges were a reality.

But after several medical check-ups, doctors realized Grigory was nearly blind without glasses and was suffering from a double ear infection. When those problems were addressed, Grigory's disposition improved dramatically.

Other families weren't so lucky.

Many of the kids have detachment disorders and require constant attention and reassurance. They act out by hitting and biting because violence is the only method of survival in the orphanage.

"I have listened to a lot of tears in the last six weeks," Dana McHann said. "From moms mostly. I broke down twice and I consider myself to be a strong person."

Eric and Shawna Donaldson have given themselves until the end of August to decide about adopting Dyman, a 7-year-old who can be sweet one minute and a terror the next.

"It's such a big thing, and we have a son the same age," Shawna Donaldson said. "We don't want to save one child at the sacrifice of another."

They aren't the only family struggling to find a balance between accepting a new child and alienating biological children.

Leslie and Travis Schnicke spent three weeks with Arman after his first host family didn't work out. But the demanding and often-temperamental 6-year-old wasn't the adoptive child the couple was looking for.

"It's really important to find a child with a personality that would fit with our kids. Our kids are really laid back," Leslie Schnicke said. "He's a good kid, we want him to find the right home. We're just not sure it's our family."

Finding the strength

An emotional roller coaster in the first few days had the opposite effect on Mike Burgard and his family. The Burgard family switched from just hosting kids to adopting three Kazakhstan siblings.

"Three days after we had them, there was no way. ... I can't imagine them not being a part of our family," he said.

The Burgards have three biological children and two adopted Korean daughters. As soon as their paperwork goes through, which could be anytime from mid-October to February, they'll add two more girls and a boy to the clan.

They were inspired by Craig and Jan Druckenmiller, who adopted a little girl from Kazakhstan through Kidsave last summer. The Druckenmillers have their own non-profit organization in Bozeman, Sacred Portion Children's Outreach, that raises money to build orphanages and coordinated the Kidsave visit this summer.

Through word-of-mouth, the Druckenmillers organized families interested in Kidsave and raised $62,000 to bring more kids to Bozeman than any other city in the U.S. this year. And they found families who would like to adopt nearly all the children.

Although the Burgards decided to adopt three of their host kids, they couldn't adopt the fourth, Alia. The 14-year-old is not related to the other three and it is easier to adopt siblings, he explained.

It's often difficult to find families to adopt older children, but for Jane and John Phillips, Alia seemed a perfect fit.

"We had talked about the possibility of adopting," Jane Phillips said. "My husband is in his mid-50s. I'm 49. Our youngest got married two years ago. ... We're too young to just exist."

A price to pay

Adoption is never an inexpensive venture.

For each family to be approved, the process will cost about $20,000 for the first child and $1,500 more for every additional child. The federal government gives one $10,000 tax credit for every child adopted, explained Jan Druckenmiller, that can be used over a five-year period.

So although they have to produce the cash up front, the tax credit will almost cover the adoptions, she said.

Along with adoption fees, each family has to travel to Kazakhstan to appear before a judge and may be required to stay for as long as three weeks waiting for the orphans' relatives to contest the adoption, Burgard said.

But ultimately, with governments, social workers and miles of red tape in the way, none of the parents can promise when or if the adoptions will go through.

"I can't guarantee it," Jane Phillips said, of her conversations with Alia about the future. "It's our intent. She knows that's our plan."

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